honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
