How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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