his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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