she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
