im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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