morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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