i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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