just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
too bad you live with your parents still
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
