you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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