Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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