I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
