There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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