OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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