i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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