my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
