obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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