Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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