I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
