i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize