So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
