I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
