Who wears a wallet chain?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
