I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
