my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
