If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
