Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
