I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
