hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
