drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
