I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
