Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize