she looked like the before picture.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm too high and old for this...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
