drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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