Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
