He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
