Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
