Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
