i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
