Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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