Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will pee on everything he values.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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