I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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