If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
