This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
