I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
...so i touched it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
