It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
