do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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