I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the day after is always just damage control
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
