It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
