Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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