guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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