update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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