i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
