i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
