Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
