Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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