I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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