I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
