I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
