What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
