I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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