my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
