I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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