dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
