Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
