So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't turn off my feet"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
