I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize