She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
