Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
now i know why i became what i already was.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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