Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
