I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
