Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
