what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize