All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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