she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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