But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
